Is it just me?

Have you ever started to fall in love with your best friend and try to make it stop because you know if you start dating it will ruin everything? Well I have and I deal with it daily I don't understand why its so complicated. He confuses me by telling me he likes me but he doesn't wanna date. I used to say that but I'm not sure anymore, sometimes I cant stand him but other times I just wwanna be with him and that's not like me. I don't usually fall for guys who are my best friends cause they are already in the friend zone with me. But I will.probably never be with him its to much drama. He isn't the only guy I like but the other guys I like don't know I like them and I don't plan on telling them. Ive also been called a worthless piece of shit Ny a guy that I thought I liked but I never truly liked him he was just someone who tricked me into thinking they cared. Sometimes I can be very gullible which is a bad trait I have :/ but its just hard to shake it.