You dont know your beautiful

Why cant I have a relationship? Like all my friends who take there relationships for granted, are just stupid. I dont understand how guys can put up with some of them. The cheating, the lying, the backstabbing, it just gets to be so much some times. I have alot of guy friends but I dont have a boyfriend. For one guys are so confusing and I never know what they want. For two most guys turn out to be douche bags. or for three we are already in the friend zone, and once you are in the friend zone thats where you will always be. I get really frustrated when my guy friends try and make a move, when they know im not okay with it. Also, I cant trust most guys because most of them use me for certain features I have. I should be proud of my body but im really not. Ive been trying so hard to be, but I feel I need to lose some weight and maybe then I can be proud. Im not proud of things that I dont work for. And letting myself get fat is not on my to-do list.

My weekend :/

I just wanna say this. That was a CRAZY weekend. I could say it was probably the worst and the best weekend. I hate some of the people that I had to be around and I made the biggest idiot out of myself of Friday but o well. You only live once :) There was alot that happened that I probably shouldnt talk about but it all made some pretty hilarious stories for me to tell.

Sports?

Im debating on what I am going to do this summer, because im not entirely sure if I want to go out for Volleyball next spring or not. Everyone tells me I should but I havent played since 8th grade and when I did play I wasnt very good so I didnt play very much. And I dont wanna be a junior who is on the C team with all the freshman. That is just embarrassing. And I dont think im good enough to be on varsity. But the head coach is quitting this year, so I dont really know what my decision is going to be. I think school and work is more important then sports..

People :)

Why is everything in life so hard? I dont understand why we have to try so hard to get others to like us and have to feel like we need to be fake for them to even attempt to get to know us. I hate how in this generation there are so many people who judge others. Why cant we all just try to get to know one another without dealing with " I didnt like the way you look" "you looked sketchy so I didnt come up and talk to you" You know how that makes people feel? It makes them feel like they arent good enough and that they need to change themselves. Everyone is different and if they werent the world would be a very boring place. And i dont know if its just me but i dont like being a boring person! :)

I hate you.

I never knew I could HATE someone so much! I dont hate very many people but I just cannot stand this girl. She thinks its okay to walk around like a slut. And cheat on her boyfriend, that is not okay. If someone cares about you that much you shouldnt have the nerve to hurt them like that. You dont know what a best friend is or even a friend. Get real, you think they like you, but honestly they dont. They probably talk shit right as you turn your back. So when you no longer have any friends, dont try crawling back to me. Because I wont be here for you. Im sick of being the last person on your list. When you would always be second to my family of course. But I cant stand you anymore you just piss me off so much. And try and rub what you have in everyones face. SOONER or later you arent going to have ANY friends, cause no one likes a spoiled rotten cheater.

Im so confused :'(

I dont get you. You act like you want me but then you walk away. I hate that i want you, I just cant help myself. We used to be so close, now you couldnt be any farther away. Why do I feel like they are stealing you, a real man cant be stolen. You want to go so i will let you as I lay he cold as stone. I hurt every night and every day but as soon as i meet someone you will go away. But always in my heart you will stay :/

Poems to you ;)

Poem 1
Does that make me Crazy

Loving you like this

I cant help myself

Its just so complicated

The love we share is like a song

A song that I wont let leave my head

But it feels so wrong

Except when we are in bed.

Poem 2

Why are you the one I feel like I need

But also the one I want to stab with a fork

I hate that I feel I need you

But I cant help the feelings I have

You run through my mind all day and night

But still I do not run through yours.

I wish we could be together

But you love them whores.

Why is everyone so hurtful!

I hate how everyone is in my school. No one knows how to be nice everyone thinks they have to be mean to be in the IT crowd. Seriously? Where is that "reputation" going to get you when you are out of this town? NO WHERE! No one likes a lying bitch, or a cheating asshole in the real world. Honestly most of the people in this town need a REALITY check and fast. Its pretty pathetic how people are still gossiping over things that happened last year. Like is that the best thing you have to do is gossip and when there isnt anything new you just bring up the old again? NO ONE CARES ANYMORE. So just get real. I like not being "POPULAR" cause honestly most people dont like the populars because they are all stuck up bitches who are nice to your face then turn around and say mean shit about you right as you turn around. I have a few best friends in this school but have lost some because they start to think they are hot shit when they arent and that really pisses me off. :/ Please EVERYONE in ASHLAND just get the FUCK over yourselves. kay? thanks. :)

Love like youve never been hurt xD

I cant help but to always feel like an outcast. Its so hard to deal with it sometimes but you know I get through alot. My dad isnt in my life he walked out when i was only a few months old and my mom was pregnant with my brother. I hate how he thinks he can run in and out of my life all the time and keep hurting me over and over again. I have learned to just not even get attached because he is just going to walk out again. The last time I saw my dad was 3 years ago. He hasnt been in my life and I am doing just fine. I miss my sisters brittaney, ally, haley, and zoey. I also miss my nephew. But o well its life I will be sixteen in a couple of weeks then i will be able to go and see my nephew and sisters. Except Zoey cause my dads ex girlfriend wont let any of us see her because of my dads stupid actions. My mom was the best single mom ever she kept us up and running for many years until she got married to my step dad shawn when i was ten. Now I have another little brother and his name is Hank Ryan Talley. He has downsyndrome and I personally think that just makes him even more special. He is the cutest baby ever. He is 16 months old and he still looks like he is only 9 months. He has teeth and can almost walk. I love him so much but some people dont and think its funny to call him mentally retarded and talk shit about my family and how we deserved to have him be in the hospital. But its life so there is going to be stupid drama and it will all be okay as long as I know its not true.

Is it just me?

Have you ever started to fall in love with your best friend and try to make it stop because you know if you start dating it will ruin everything? Well I have and I deal with it daily I don't understand why its so complicated. He confuses me by telling me he likes me but he doesn't wanna date. I used to say that but I'm not sure anymore, sometimes I cant stand him but other times I just wwanna be with him and that's not like me. I don't usually fall for guys who are my best friends cause they are already in the friend zone with me. But I will.probably never be with him its to much drama. He isn't the only guy I like but the other guys I like don't know I like them and I don't plan on telling them. Ive also been called a worthless piece of shit Ny a guy that I thought I liked but I never truly liked him he was just someone who tricked me into thinking they cared. Sometimes I can be very gullible which is a bad trait I have :/ but its just hard to shake it.